How triggers are a mirror for your inner wounds
What are emotional triggers?
Emotional triggers can be events, situations, or memories that cause an intense emotional response, such as feelings of anger, anxiety, or sadness.
Some things to know about triggers are that:
You will not go through life without getting triggered. You are human.
Triggers can cause a minor emotional response while others may cause a severe one.
Triggers can be caused by external events or situations, such as a specific place, person, or object.
Triggers can also be triggered by internal events, such as thoughts or memories.
Being triggered has NOTHING to do with weakness. You are HUMAN. Feelings are normal 💜
How can triggers be teachers?
They are teachers because triggers may reveal an underlying issues. Once we find that underlying issues, it is an opportunity for us to work on ourselves and heal that inner wound.
Finding the lesson that your triggers are trying to teach you means that instead of reacting to your triggers automatically – you actually approach them with CURIOSITY:
So the next time you notice a strong emotion coming up, ask yourself:
How do I feel?
Why do I feel this way?
Is this event activating an old memory?
What does this situation/person make me feel about myself?
These questions can help you unravel your “WHY.”
The “why” is important because it is common for triggering situations and people to actually represent a wounded part of you that needs your attention.
Here are some examples:
You feel misunderstood. You are having a conversation with your partner and you are both on different pages. You feel misunderstood and overlooked. This reminds you of the times when your mother never cared to ask for your input before making important decisions for you. You shut down and withdraw instead of working with your partner to seek clarification.
Asking yourself why you were triggered may have lead you to realize that this situation is activating an old memory and feeling.
You feel disrespected. You are standing in line at the grocery store. Someone is on their phone and cuts you in line. You logically know that the person may not have saw you because they are distracted by their phone. Yet, you have been feeling underappreciated all your life and are tired of being taken advantaged of. You want to protect yourself and make a scene at the grocery store instead of telling the person politely that you were in line already.
Asking yourself why you were triggered may have lead you to realize that you need to audit the people and responsibility in your life so you feel more appreciated.
You feel rejected. You are hanging out with your group of friends. They start talking about a show that you have not watched. This reminds you of highschool, when you struggled to find a core group of friends and always felt left out when you were around people. You hyper focus on these memories instead of using your logical brain to think about whether you can join in on the next topic of conversation. You leave the gathering early and go home upset.
Asking yourself why you were triggered may have lead you to realize that this event is activate a wound about being unseen, rejected or struggling to belong and that your friends are not intentionally leaving you out.
You feel jealous. Someone you know is outgoing, confident, and a greater career. Every time you see them post something on social media, you get upset and start gossiping about them to whoever you are with.
Asking yourself why you were triggered may have lead you to realize that you are feeling insecure about yourself and need to work on yourself instead of being preoccupied with others. Putting someone down gives you a false sense of superiority.
You feel embarrassed. Your partner tells you how they have been feeling underappreciated and would like more recognition for the things they do around the house. Your partner reassures you that they are still happy in the relationship. Instead of taking this feedback, you get defensive and angry because it reminds you of all the times you were lectured and punished for being a “bad kid.”
Asking yourself why you were triggered may have lead you to focus on the fact that your partner mentioned that they are happy and your emotion was coming from old memories.
You feel trapped. You are over at your friends house and you overhear your friend’s sister arguing with her boyfriend on the phone. Even though this interaction had nothing to do with you, it reminded you of all the time you were stuck in a chaotic household and had no where else to go. You go home early.
Asking yourself why you were triggered may have helped you remember that an old memory was being activated and that you are currently safe.
You feel abandoned. You send a colleague a message and they take a long time to reply. You immediately make the assumption that they are ignoring you. You ignore them at work the next day.
Asking yourself why you were triggered may reveal an insecurity you have about not being a worthy/lovable person.
You feel undervalued. You overhear someone talking about their child’s poor grades. This reminds you of all the pressure your parents placed on you. You get angry and start sending all your friends messages about how this person should not be a mother.
Asking yourself why you were triggered may have helped you realize that the pressure your mother placed on you left a wound in your relationship and you want to heal this.
You feel out of control. Your plans change last minute and you begin to panic. You use this panicked energy to try to organize and structure things as much as you can. You end up burning out that day and are too drained to attend the event anymore.
Asking yourself why you were triggered may have helped you realize that going with the flow will not actually threaten your safety. Having control is just a way you brain tries to feel safe.
I hope this deep dive gives you an idea of how emotional triggers may actually reflect an inner wound within you that needs attention. I invite you to use the journal prompts at the end of this newsletter to do some reflection on what your triggers are trying to teach you.
Triggers are teachers.
Coping with triggers:
In the past week, I've been posting more reflection questions and ways to cope with triggers. Head over to my Instagram to read more (click on the photo below):
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Book of the Month:
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Both my sister and I read this book in under a week. Brianna's writing is easy to read and straight to the POINT. And when I say to the point - I mean it. She really does tell you how it is. I felt called out - but in a good way. This book really helped me realize the different ways I was self-sabotaging. The book helped me understand that I needed to change some of my thinking patterns and that no one else can change my thinking for me. I really recommend this book!
Deep dive reflection prompts:
For this month's journal entry, let's focus on the lessons your emotional triggers may be trying to teach you. If you don't have time to journal or you're going to forget about this email after reading it - PAUSE - I invite you to do some self-reflection right now 🙏
Something that I've notice triggers me is ....
The reason I get emotional about this is because ....
It makes me feel ....
It makes me think .... about me.
It makes me think ..... about other people.
It reminds me of a time when .....
I usually respond to this trigger by ....
It is helpful/not helpful because .....
Instead, I can remember that ....and choose to respond by ...
If you find journaling hard - that's normal. Write freely without caring about the way it reads because after all, they’re your own private words for you and you only.
Try journaling after a relaxing activity, yoga session, or meditation. These activities help you step out of autopilot and connect with your intuition.
Journaling can provide you with many interesting insights about yourself, which is helpful because awareness is the first step towards healing ✨✨✨.
