What is self compassion?
Fall is coming. The weather is changing and .....there is a lot going on in the world. What do I have to say about this?
1) Our minds are NOT designed to know this much about the world. But with the Internet, we have access to every worldly event we want to know about and the news often highlights the negative. So if you are feeling overwhelmed, it's okay - just know that your body was not designed to know this much about the world. Try to set boundaries on how much information you are consuming in a day.
2) There is a lot going on that is out of your control. This can feel really overwhelming so do your best to focus on what is in your control.
3) Practice self-compassion. It's okay to not feel okay. It's okay if you are down. It's okay if how you are feeling is interfering with your day to day functioning right now. Take care of yourself and reach out to your trusted circle of loved ones (including health professionals) for help if you need 💜
Topic of the month: Self Compassion
You’ve probably heard of the word “self compassion” before but what exactly is self compassion?
Self compassion involves being kind and understanding to yourself when you are having a hard time.
This includes difficult situations, when you experience shortcomings, and when you notice self critical thoughts in your head. During these times, when you find room to be nice to yourself and recognize that you are trying the best you can with what you have - this is self-compassion.
Dr. Kirstin Neff is a clinical psychologist who is dedicated to studying self-compassion. She has broken self compassion down to 3 core components:
1. Self kindness vs. Self judgement
Sometimes, you may want to judge yourself for what is happening or for what you are experiencing (e.g., “ugh I shouldn’t be feeling so sad about this - it’s not a big deal.”). When you judge yourself, you resist what is. This resistance creates more suffering. Self compassion invites you to be understanding towards yourself. It’s okay to not be okay.
2. Common humanity vs. Isolation
When unfortunate things happen to you, it may feel like you are the only person who is suffering. You may ask yourself “why me?” and feel like everyone else has it better than you. Well, some form of suffering is an INEVITABLE part of being human. Every human suffers at one point or another. You may not know they are but your perception is different from someone else's perception. Recognizing this can help ground you in the human experience. You are not alone. I promise.
3. Mindfulness vs. Over identification
Experiencing our thoughts and feelings in a balanced way is also part of self compassion. Sometimes, when you are suffering you may over identify with the thoughts, feelings, and story you are telling yourself. Alternatively, you may reject your experience and suppress it. Mindfulness involves noticing your experience with intention while being non judgemental and non reactive towards it.
Self-compassion doesn’t mean you loathe in self-pity or over indulge because you feel bad for yourself. It is the practice of being kind to yourself and reminding yourself that it’s okay not to be okay.
Research has shown that self-compassion gets easier with practice and can help decrease symptoms of depression and anxiety.
The quickest way to start practicing self compassion is tuning into your self talk.
What is the tone of your self talk? Do you often catch your thoughts being mean to you? Pause and remember that YOU can control your thinking. Changing the way you talk to yourself may feel a bit unnatural, but with practice, it will feel more natural.
Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a friend and loved one.
Create a self compassion journal where you write about your experience and are accepting and kind about it. For instance, validate how you are feeling. Or write down some of your mistakes and then write about forgiving yourself.
Sometimes our inner critic comes from our perspective of how other people view us. Let go of getting validation from others. You are worthy and lovable because YOU decide that you are.
Guided practices can also be helpful. Dr. Neff has many free recordings you can check out here.
The other day, I was out for a walk and was feeling upset about something. I actually chose to talk aloud to myself. It was a bit bizarre at first but it was so helpful to fully articulate my thoughts out loud and speak to myself in a compassionate way. It felt like once I spoke the words out loud they became more real. So I tried to be really careful about what words I choose to speak aloud - and I chose to channel self compassion. I actually did feel better and had a new perspective moving forward. So I invite you to talk aloud to yourself the next time you find yourself being self critical or if you are trying to work through something!
doodledwellness update
I am officially starting my residency year in Toronto, Ontario. It is going to be a busy year but I am going to try my best to stay in touch with all of you 💜
PS. I am starting the commuter life. I have a 2 hour commute each day so if you have any podcast recommendations for me - reply to this newsletter/email! I appreciate you 🙏🏼
Book of the month
My fellow Instagram friend Kate @thelatestkate published their first book and it's so cute! There are tons of cute animals and affirmations for when you are feeling anxious or down. I keep this book on my coffee table and love opening it up when I need a quick pick me up!
Podcast of the month
Dan Harris is an awesome podcast host. He had a panic attack on the "Good Morning America" show a few years ago, which led him to explore meditation. Since then, he has written a best selling book and has hosted hundreds of podcast episodes that cover topics like:
meditation
self growth
stress management
improving relationships
work productivity and management
cognitive biases
self love
many many more topics!
Monthly Journal Prompt
For this month's journal entry, let's focus on self-compassion.
Being human means ....
When something unexpected happens, I notice that I tend to .... Instead I can .....
Something that I love about myself is ....
When I notice that I am being mean to myself, I can tell myself .....
I forgive myself for ......
If you find journalling hard - that's normal. Write freely without caring about the way it reads because after all, it's your own private words for you and you only.
Journaling can also provide you with many interesting insights about yourself, which is helpful because awareness is the first step towards healing.
And that's all from me for this month's newsletter,
Thank you for showing up for yourself.
Love,
Amy Tran aka @doodledwellness
