The pandemic and languishing - AKA feeling "meh"
Have you ever felt like your mental health wasn’t great, but it wasn’t bad either? Life just feels “meh” like you're stuck in this in-between.
Well, sociologist, Corey Keyes actually coined the term “languishing” to describe this exact feeling. Languishing captures a state when you're not sad or depressed. But you're not happy and fulfilled either. You're just floating about in life and don’t feel good about the life you're living.
Think of it like this, just because we treat a mental illness, it doesn’t mean that person is going to flourish when they don’t have symptoms of mental illness anymore.
“Just because you don’t struggle with a mental illness, doesn’t mean you’re automatically mentally healthy”
Sadly, many people who are languishing often don’t get the support they need because their symptoms are not as noticeable, or they're not significant enough to get access to treatment. That’s why it is important for us to identify the signs of languishing and then try to increase opportunities for us to improve our mental health.
Remember ....
“Awareness is the first step towards healing and you can’t heal what you don’t understand.”
Some signs that you may be languishing:
You feel like you're just floating through life with no purpose and no end goal. You kind of feel like a zombie
Even though you can complete everyday tasks, it takes so much effort and energy from you.
You lack the motivation and desire to do things throughout the day.
You don’t stay in bed all day but you want to because there’s nothing else to look forward to.
Sometimes languishing makes you feel restless and irritable because you have all this pent up energy but don’t know what to do about it.
You feel bad about yourself. Your sense of worth is also low.
It’s hard for you to look forward to the future.
You're emotionally exhausted to the point where you don’t feel much anymore.
The word “languishing” got a lot of attention this year because so many of us felt “empty” from the pandemic and mandated restrictions. I know I was languishing for a few months during the height of the pandemic. I couldn't socialize, the future was unpredictable, I couldn't engage in my regular self-care activities (e.g., swimming, enjoying a meal at a restaurant, etc.), and I was picking up the energy of other humans who were languishing as well. So if the signs of languishing that I just mentioned resonate with you - know you are not alone.
In Canada, things are slowly getting better. Restrictions are lifting, people are socializing, people seem to be happier, and the air just feels lighter. So what did the pandemic teach me? That when it comes to mental health, it’s not enough to just be “symptom free.” Feeling mentally healthy involves work.
Humans need to feel connected with others by maintaining loving, supportive, and trusting relationships. Isolation or being around the same people all the time hurts your mental health.
Humans want to have meaning in life. We want a sense of direction in life to follow. But when things get in the way of our purpose and goals, this hurts us.
Humans also want to feel like we can make an impact or influence our environment in some way. We like control. With the pandemic, a lot of our environment was out of our control - which was difficult to accept for many people.
We want to improve ourselves. Personal growth makes us feel good. Maybe you wanted to train for a 5K, maybe you wanted to work on your social anxiety by putting yourself out there more often. Whatever your goal was, I’m sure the pandemic interfered with some of them.
So what can you do to flourish and nourish your mental health moving forward?
Accept when things are out of your control. What you resist persists. When we resist things we energetically give life to the very thing we are trying to escape from. Instead, when we accept things for what they are, we can redirect that energy into coping and adjusting.
Reconnect with people. Take it one step at a time. Start with a phone call, then meet up with 1 person, then meet up with a group of people, then attend a social event. Humans need social connection and the pandemic took that away from us.
Sometimes when we get used to things, we forget to pause and look up to see if anything around us has changed. You begin to get into a routine. You do similar things and begin to think a certain way. Why don’t you pause and reassess the situation. What has changed? Are you still doing things that don’t serve you? Re-prioritize your values and choose action that will bring your actions into alignment with your values.
If you are struggling, talk to someone you trust. If you don’t have someone you can trust, reach out to a health professional if that's accessible to you. If not, see if you can connect with some people online. Feeling like other people understand or are going through something similar can be helpful. I’ve also included some free mental health resources in my Instagram bio. You can check them out here.
Reconnect with the earth and the present moment. We spend a lot of time thinking about the past or thinking about the future - but the past and future don’t truly exist. Only the present does. We're humans floating on a giant rock, spinning in space. Take your perspective and zoom out - it can be grounding and make you feel grateful.
Remember that health = mind, body, and soul. Yes you can work on detaching from thoughts and speaking kindly to yourself. But it is also important to stretch and move your body. And what you put into your body (aka food) also matters. In fact, your gut produces more feel good chemicals than your brain, so eat whole foods to nourish your gut health.
Identify your values. What are you living for? What is your purpose? Write down things you value, if you’re stuck - google a list of values. Rank them in order of important and reflect on whether your day to day life is aligned or in conflict with your values. Do things need to change? And if so, what exactly needs to be changed?
Book of the month:
Have you heard of intergenerational trauma? It's a term used to describe what happens when one person experiences trauma, and then passes that down to their child. How? Because trauma can disrupt our psychological wellbeing, which then disrupts the quality of interactions we have with our children.
Mark Wolynn talks about intergenerational trauma by summarizing research and telling stories about his work with his own clients. He also includes self-reflection prompts, journalling prompts, and visualization exercises for you to explore how your own family trauma may influence the way you think, feel, and act.
Podcast of the month:
Talking about psychology in a way that is easy for everyone to understand (AKA not using all the scientific words and technical terms) is a way to make mental health more accessible. Dr. Robert Duff, a psychologist, does an EXCELLENT job at doing this. In the podcast, it doesn't sound like you're listening to a textbook. It sounds like you're listening to your friend talk to you.
Monthly Journal Prompt:
Authenticity means ..... to me.
When I am feeling insecure, I notice that I tend to .......
I do this because I am worried that ......
Something I would like to change that would push me closer to being my authentic self is ......
If you find journaling hard - that's normal. Write freely without caring about the way it reads because after all, it's your own private words for you and you only.
Journaling can also provide you with many interesting insights about yourself, which is helpful because awareness is the first step towards healing.
And that's all from me for this month's newsletter. If you enjoyed the information in this newsletter today, visit me here on Instagram!
Thank you for showing up for yourself.
Love,
Amy Tran aka @doodledwellness
